Recovering Decision-making Struggler's Guide on Making Right and Wrong Decisions!
Dear Reader,
Decision-making process used to be a very lengthy and heavy process for me. Neverending internal dialogues, discussions with friends and family, pros & cons, facing my fears, and still feeling like I don’t know which decision is the right one.
I invite you to play with a thought that you are the only person that knows the right answer to the question: what is the right thing for me to do?
Letting the answer come to you
What if you bought into the idea that you already know what decision you are supposed to make? Oprah, a wise woman that she is, handed me an amazing piece of advice in her book “A path made clear”:
“Get still and the answer will come to you”.
So in order to follow Oprah’s advice, when you have a decision to make, you need to ensure that you have the space to get quiet so that the answer can arrive at you.
Here are some ways to do this:
1. Meditating
2. Going alone for a very long walk in nature
3. Free-flow writing in the morning right after waking up before the analytical mind takes over
Getting quiet enough for your wisdom to arrive may be enough for you to know exactly what is the right decision for you to make.
In case it is not happening YET or in case you are simply curious, let us look a bit deeper into the matter of decision-making :).
What makes the decision right or wrong?
The outcome of the decision?
The consequences it will have in the future?
Just think about it for a moment, there is no way to know for sure what will be the future consequences of the decision you make today.
What you consider as a “negative outcome” today may be the best thing that happens to you tomorrow.
Think about your past decisions. Do you remember any decision that felt very right at some point and very wrong at another? And then right again?
Have you ever regretted a decision and then found it to be a blessing in disguise?
Is it rational to judge the outcome of the decision as good or bad, right or wrong?
We like to feel that we’re in control, that’s why some of us try to use all our mental powers and overthink and overanalyze our decisions.
And that produces so much unnecessary pressure.
So ask yourself this question: what will make a decision right or wrong for me?
And then consider taking this perspective: there is no decision that IS ultimately wrong, there can be a decision that FEELS wrong.
So how about you work on increasing your trust that with the information you have right now you are taking the best possible decision.
Let go of the pressure...
… allow yourself to have space and time to feel into yourself and do what feels right, right now.
Feeling into it
To support yourself in this process you can feel into it:
At the time of decision making it becomes quite handy to be able to listen to your inner wisdom to check what’s the right thing for you to do.
If you’d like to practice the skill of recognizing what your intuition is telling you, I recommend the expansion and contraction test, which Marie Forleo explains brilliantly as tip number one in this video:
https://www.marieforleo.com/2017/02/decision-making/
Another broadly used approach is muscle testing, and you can read more about that on Mindvalley.
https://blog.mindvalley.com/muscle-testing/
Managing your mind
We know that our minds can be our best friends or our worst enemies. In the process of making a decision you want your mind to be on your side, therefore it is a good idea to help your mind manage all the concerns and fears. One good way to do that is by creating Worst and Best-case Scenarios for each possible decision. Here’s how you could go about it:
Step 1: Create the list of possible decisions
Example: Making a decision about a career path.
Decision 1: Quitting my job
Decision 2: Staying where I work now
Decision 3: Finding another job
Decision 4: Studying
Step 2: Worst-case scenarios
The idea is to write down all the possible worst-case scenarios for each possible decision you can make. This in and of itself has a high chance of helping, because all of those fearful thoughts buzzing in your head, often make much more noise than they make sense :). And it’s just the first step.
Step 3: Containment plans
The third step is to write down what you would do if that happened.
This, in most of the cases, shows you that you actually have a solution in case the shit hits the fan! You are going to be fine.
Before you make any conclusion though, do the next part of the exercise.
Step 4: Best-case scenarios
Describe best-case scenarios: all the wonderful things that may happen for each possible decision.
For each Best Case Scenario, describe how you would feel if that happened.
Step 5: Evaluate
Evaluate how bad are your worst-case scenarios compared to how good are the best-case scenarios? You might find really interesting conclusions and possibly you’ll already have a higher clarity on which decision is the right one for you.
If you still don’t know what is the right decision for you right now then, well…
Listen to wise people (yet listen to yourself more)
If none of the above works or if you just want to do this because you like talking to people and it helps you process your stuff more effectively, make sure you choose good people.
I believe that the best people to talk to are the ones who really know how to listen. They are so good at listening that they create a space for you where you are actually able to hear yourself.
They are neutral, objective and you can trust them that they do not have a personal interest in you choosing a specific option.
They are wise and know how to share their wisdom with you :).
I used to like to talk to several people I trust and hear their opinions. Having several different perspectives has been making it easier for me to find my own.
Because at the end of the day, you need to be able to listen to yourself most.
So if you still don’t know which decision to take, then there’s only one thing to do. Giving yourself more space and stillness, so that the answer can arrive :).
All the best of luck in making the right decision for you!
On a side note: it’s also really useful to let go of the smart ass inner judge, that looks back in time and says you should have done this or that. Know that with the information you’ve had at a given point, you’ve made the best possible decision. If you’re wiser now, make a different one.